catching up...

i've been in sort of a strange mood today, restless yet feeling a little too funky to do anything about it. so, i thought i'd come here and blow the dust off the old blog. writing sometimes helps settle my nerves.

life over the past month has been...interesting. i finally got married! ok so not married in the traditional sense, but we had a handfasting ceremony and it was very small and simple and sweet which kind of pissed my mom off because she wanted to plan this huge elaborate shindig lol we both just weren't in to having all the pomp and circumstance. he said he knew he wanted to be with me forever the day we met and i shot him down in the bar, i knew i wanted to be with him forever the day we had our first fight and he looked me in the eye and said "i love you, you little shit, stop pushing me away!" as he stormed out of the house i thought to myself, hot damn i love that guy! no need for all the blah blah blah it was already a done deal.

therapy is going pretty good. i feel like i'm really taking in things more this time and getting better everyday. as i gain clarity and understanding, i have to laugh to myself when i think of some of the things that were said to me in the past regarding "validation" and i think "wow, you were so wrong about that, fu@ker! way to make yet another thing about you". of course only i will know exactly what i mean by that but sometimes it's good to have inside jokes. ;)

i actually signed up for summer classes as UT!!

after getting my first degree last may, if you would have asked me if i would ever go back i would have given a resounding "HELLS NO!" attending classes and everything that going to college entailed was such a stressful experience. i managed to get through it with really great profs and although schedule and time are issues that i am working through, sometimes i find repetition a little soothing. so, by the graces it all worked out for me over the last 5 years.

i had my first job review. yup, that'r right i have actually held down a job for going on 6 months! people who know me sometimes wonder why i even have a job. it's the little personal accomplishments that make a huge difference to me. some people will never get how huge being stable enough to hold down gainful employment is to someone like me. to have someone tell you that you are doing a good job and to have your peers say that they enjoy having you there is...omg, it's as wonderful as eating chocolate and having and orgasm at the same time!! :D

in other strange turn of events, my parents are now fostering my friend Jaimie's son. she ended up in jail after getting busted living in a house where meth was being made. ordinarily i would just shake my head and walk away from this whole mess but it's kind of a horrible situation and i felt compelled to get involved somehow :/

Jaime is a girl that i kind of know well. we don't really hang out or anything but to be honest i don't really hang out with anybody. we met ages ago through a mutual friend and when we first met i really liked her. if you ever get to know me well you will find out that i am quiet and extremely mischievous! she used to be the one who was all gung ho about helping me carry out my devious practical jokes and we had a lot of fun together. we have different lives though and hers was one that lead her to changing boyfriends like people change underwear, forever being pregnant by different men, partying, not taking care of the kids and so on. we stopped hanging out because...well frankly because i became a recluse...but even so those things drifted us apart as friends. over the years i still helped her out a lot financially. i think if anybody actually knew how much they would think i was insane.

in the end, her crazy lifestyle and poor choice in "boyfriend of the month" has landed her in jail for a very long time. she is currently pregnant so maybe she won't have to stay as long, but in the meantime she has two children that are now without their mother. her youngest child is now with baby daddy #2. rather his family stepped up and is now taking care of her because he himself is a lowlife deadbeat.

the saddest part of this whole story is her oldest child Cody had no where to go. his father is m.i.a. and there is no family to speak of as his father's father is in prison and no one else will take him in. he has a disorder called voluntary encopresis. in his case, it is a mental disorder that causes him to soil himself even though he knows perfectly well how to use the bathroom. he also smears feces on things. :/ no one wanted to deal with that and so they were all willing to let him rot somewhere. i couldn't stand it. i knew i couldn't very well in my mental state take care of this child but i couldn't leave him either.

i've said it a million times but my parents are wonderful. they didn't even hesitate when i explained the whole sordid mess to them. i felt bad for them having to go through all of the stuff with cps but really they are perfect for him. they have had lots of experience dealing with a child with mental health issues as well as acting out behavior. it has been a rocky start but they are coping with everything well. i went to spend a little of my day with all of them and you can kind of tell that he is happy but you can also see that he is very guarded. i understand that he has been tossed around from one unstable environment to the next and probably doesn't want to get his hopes up. i know this sounds shitty but i hope his mother doesn't get out of jail for a long time this way he actually has a chance.