today was a long day. i had my second day of summer classes and group therapy again today. it's weird having to shift my schedule around for school because i am a creature of strict routine. when something changes, it makes me panic and feel oddly out of sorts for the entire day.
i had another really good therapy session today. :) learning, growing, strengthening!
so, people with borderline personality disorder kind of have a hard time with relationships. not just like the dating kind, but all of them, dating, friendships, interaction with co-workers etc... we addressed that today by working on what it is we fear the most about relationships.
my biggest fear is not "connecting" with people. some people are just natural conversationalists. and i am SO envious of that. i am fully aware that i am crap when it comes to the art of small talk and knowing that puts me in to such a stressful state.
today i came to the realization that because i don't do the whole small talk thing well, i hardly know anything about the people i call friends at all. how embarrassing! :/ i also tend to seem like i "forget" or "ignore" people when really i just don't know what to say or when they haven't said anything to me, because of low self-esteem i was always afraid to just go and say "hi" because what if they don't really want to talk to me...or what if they don't respond, did they not see it or am i being rejected?...and so on and so forth in my head until it gets bigger and bigger and avoidance becomes the only answer. so i take the easy way out and speak when people speak to me or comment on something someone has already said or only say something directly to someone when i feel like i have something worthy of speaking about. it is not in my nature to initiate conversation.
i have also been told that in conversation i have a tendency to focus on myself. i have learned by meeting people in group that this is something that is pretty common among people with BPD. we just talk about what we know, which is us, because of our disorder we end up spending a great deal of time alone so that is what we have.
so, i want to get to know you. i know hardly anyone reads this blog so if i even get one response i will mark that down as an accomplishment :) you can answer here or on my fb page.
1. who are you? Brandon
2. where you named after anyone? i have my great-grandfather's middle name.
3. do you have kids? how many? no, and some day you'll thank me for that. you're welcome!
4. what is the first thing you notice about people? idk why but i have a tendency to look at people's mouths o_O
5. what is your favorite food? i love Indian food!
6. salty or sweet? i like the combination of both but if i had to pick one or the other i like salty.
7. do you speak any other languages? icelandic and spanish fluently and a few others a little bit.
8. do you have a special talent? (making things counts as well) i am a classically trained musician. i have also discovered i have a talent for soap making :)
9. do you have any pets? 3 dogs and a bunch of koi fish that live in my pond do those count as pets? we named them.
10. do you have any phobias? ummm...people lol. and wet bread. yeah i'm in therapy tyvm!
11. name one weird thing about you? (can be something you like to do, something you like to eat, etc...) i won't eat things that are white. i write the date that i bought something on all food products that come in to the house, and i have a piecing that you don't know about :P
12. do you have a favorite song? it changes daily. right now it's "black sheep" by metric. tomorrow it will be something else and on a completely different side of the musical spectrum.
13. do you have a nickname? BB. my sister has called me that ever since i was a baby.
14. do you have any special abilities or disabilities? uh...besides BPD, i can move things with my mind. ok not really but wouldn't it be sweet if i could?!?
15. are you married? divorced? single? don't go there? married ;)
16. what do you do for a living? i am the online content coordinator for a local radio station.
17. if they named a ben and jerry's ice cream after you, what would it be called? what would it have in it? it would be called "chocolate salty balls" >_< and it would have chocolate covered pretzel balls in it. there would also be a white chocolate version. lol!
18. what is your least favorite food? eggs!! omg it's a chicken's period!!! blech!
19. how tall are you? ok funny but true story. i always used to think i was 5'9" but i'm actually only 5'7" 1/2 :O holy farking unaccounted for 2 inches batman! i was at my 6 month check up and my doctor says "Brandon, you are not 5'9"" and i'm like wth?!?! he is 5'10" and i'm noticeably shorter than he is so we measured me :P ah well i make up for it in other places ;)
20. do you drink or smoke? i drink on occasion but not much these days. i am now 2 months smoke free :)
14 comments:
1. who are you? Susan :)
2. where you named after anyone? My middle name is the name of my dad's only sister, my aunt jean.
3. do you have kids? Not of my own. I was married for 6 years and my step-daughter lived with us for those 6 years.
4. what is the first thing you notice about people? Their eyes. You can tell a lot about people by whether or not they make eye contact.
5. what is your favorite food? i love Indian food! I second that! Love ice cream, too.
6. salty or sweet? Sweet tooth...chocolate esp.
7. do you speak any other languages? A little Italian (from my ex and his family) and I had 4 years of Spanish in H.S. and Uni. I am fluent in ASL. (American Sign Language) and did my student-teaching in special education with hearing-impaired kids.
8. do you have a special talent? I play the piano..not sure I'd qualify it as a "special talent" tho...not that great.
9. Pets? Golden Retriever named Riley that has been my bestest friend for 11 years now.
10. do you have any phobias? I don't like clowns...although my older brother dressed up as a scary clown for halloween when I was 6 and he chased me with a chain saw, so I feel my fear is valid!
11. name one weird thing about you? I have mild OCD and I like to clean. A Lot. I buy a lot of cleaning products. The swiffer and Glade companies love me and I'm pretty sure I'm on their christmas list.
12. favorite song? Not one fave song. My top played changes on my ipod daily. But I love old-school Blues music (I mean old...Jelly Roll Morton, Muddy Waters, etc)
13. do you have a nickname? No. (None anyone has said to my face, anyway)
14. do you have any special abilities or disabilities? Not really. The OCD thing gets time consuming if I'm in a bad "cycle" but that's about it.
15. are you married? divorced? single? don't go there? Divorced.
16. what do you do for a living? I'm a primary school teacher. I've taught kindergarten to third grade for 12 years now.
17. if they named a ben and jerry's ice cream after you, what would it be called? what would it have in it? It would be chocolate ice cream with chocolate chunks and chocolate brownie pieces with chocolate syrup and chocolate sprinkles. Don't know what it would be called, but it would come with an insulin syringe with every quart!
18. what is your least favorite food? eggs!! omg it's a chicken's period!!! blech! I'm with you there...disgusting...I'm also allergic to them...so another reason to hate them. They try to kill me!
19. how tall are you? I'm 5'10" Everyone in my family is very tall. I have three older brothers who are all 6'3" to 6'5. My dad is 6'5 as well.
20. do you drink or smoke? i drink on occasion...more so over the summer when I'm not teaching. Never smoked. Both of my parents smoked like chimneys and it turned me off to it very early. Yuck!
1. who are you? Niiki AKA Nicole Ireland
2. where you named after anyone? yep, my moms sister who died shortly after birth.
3. do you have kids? how many? I have 3. :)
4. what is the first thing you notice about people? usually the way they present themselfs.
5. what is your favorite food? Eggplante Yum!!
6. salty or sweet? Salty. Not a fan of sweet, since I have diabetes :/
7. do you speak any other languages? I understand portuguese fluently, cant speak it.
8. do you have a special talent? hmmm...I'm a good investigator, I can find out anything..lol
9. do you have any pets? 2 dogs,1cat 2 fish and 2 frogs
10. do you have any phobias? I hate bugs ughhh and I'm a REALLY bad hypochodriac if you call that a phobia, it consumes my life I always think Im dying.
11. name one weird thing about you? (can be something you like to do, something you like to eat, etc...) Hmm..Cant think of anything :p and thats scarey!!
12. do you have a favorite song? ATM I love lil wayne ALL of his music..my Fav fav. is lightening crashes by Live. It reminds me of my daddy who killed himself :/
13. do you have a nickname? Nic, nikki.
14. do you have any special abilities or disabilities? umm..does Diabetes and anxiety count??
15. are you married? divorced? single? don't go there? been with my BF for 11 years :)
16. what do you do for a living? Senior Mortgage Processor, been doing it since I was 18.
17. if they named a ben and jerry's ice cream after you, what would it be called? noo ice cream!!! lol
18. what is your least favorite food? pork blahhh
19. how tall are you? 5'2 LOL
20. do you drink or smoke? Dont drink, smoke ciggs but only socially :)
thank you so much for taking the time to answer these! <3 <3 see, there was so much i didn't know about you guys! :0 and i never would have thought to ask or would i have known how to bring it up in conversation.
mmmwahs! (^3^)
1. who are you? Susi
2. where you named after anyone? Only my missle name - after Caroline Kennedy
3. do you have kids? how many? I have a son who is 13 and a daughter who is 20
4. what is the first thing you notice about people? their hair
5. what is your favorite food? Chesapeake Bay Blue crabs
6. salty or sweet? salty!
7. do you speak any other languages? A bit of German, some Jive and a bit of Ebonics :-)
8. do you have a special talent? (making things counts as well) i am a classically trained musician. i have also discovered i have a talent for soap making :)
9. do you have any pets? 1 dog (yellow Lab, 2 cats, a corn snake & fishies!
10. do you have any phobias? heights when I stand on the edge
11. name one weird thing about you? (can be something you like to do, something you like to eat, etc...) my thumb is double jointed
12. do you have a favorite song? Hey Soul Sister by Train
13. do you have a nickname? Jonie (cuz I looked like Jonie from Happy Days - I was called that from 1976 until the 1980's)
14. do you have any special abilities or disabilities? not really...
15. are you married? divorced? single? 2nd marriage
16. what do you do for a living? volunteer for the library & the hospital
17. if they named a ben and jerry's ice cream after you, what would it be called? what would it have in it? Q - it would have swirls of chocolate in it (Q is for SusiQ)
18. what is your least favorite food? liver & onions
19. how tall are you? 5'6"
20. do you drink or smoke? nope - Quite in February!!
1. who are you? Salima :)
2. where you named after anyone? Pass
3. do you have kids? no .
4. what is the first thing you notice about people? Their eyes. EYES ARE THE MIRROR OF THE SOUL
5. what is your favorite food? Asian cusine...indian pakistani chinese bengali
6. salty or sweet? Both
7. do you speak any other languages? English, urdu , Hindi, Gujrati I understand punjabi and sindhi cant speak.
8. do you have a special talent? poetic sense..I compose poetry in my native language....I dont know if it counts
9. Pets? no.
10. do you have any phobias? not that I could think of
11. name one weird thing about you? My faculty of wonder is still alive...thats odd remember curiosity killed the cat ;)
12. favorite song? DOnt fence me in...there are lot of others.
13. do you have a nickname? Sal , Salu
14. do you have any special abilities or disabilities? Not really.
15. are you married? divorced? single? don't go there? Single
16. what do you do for a living? I am a stay at home daughter and sister :)
17. if they named a ben and jerry's ice cream after you, what would it be called? what would it have in it? Pass
18. what is your least favorite food? bitter ground
19. how tall are you? 4 feet 10 inches that is not tall its short ;)
20. do you drink or smoke? no
1. diana applegate
2. my shallow mother named me after 40's actress
diana dors
3. i have 2 adult kids, one boy one gir.
4. their eyes
5. soul food and italian
6. salty
7. a wee little bit of spanish and french
8. able to listen well to others
9. an 18/12 yr old cat
10. claustrophobia and the fear of being buried alive
11. i'm a cranky old lady who's bones hurt and i smoke a bit of weed
12. let it be
13. grandma
14. i am wonderful at listening to others
15. married 40 yrs next march
16. i'm retired
17. janis joplin jerry
18 sammon patties
19. 5' 2"
20. drink on occasion, never ever started smoking cigs, just the herbal kind
1. who are you? Tiffany
2. where you named after anyone? I have the same middle name as two of my cousins. We were all the first girls born to my mom and her two sisters. Melody Anne, Lauren Ann, and Tiffany Anne.
3. do you have kids? how many? 2, Madelyn and Ethan
4. what is the first thing you notice about people? Height
5. what is your favorite food? Mexican
6. salty or sweet? Salty
7. do you speak any other languages? I can read Spanish, but speaking...not so much
8. do you have a special talent? Erm... does writing about relationships count?
9. do you have any pets? Yellow Lab (Matt's dog) and Luther the cat (my baby)
10. do you have any phobias? Spiders, Clowns, and Snakes. Clowns is the worst, I break down and cannot function. Complete hysterics
11. name one weird thing about you? Hmm... I am a complete routine girl. I need things to be consistent and unchanging.
12. do you have a favorite song? In My Daughter's Eyes by Martina McBride or Somebody's Hero Jamie O'Neal
13. do you have a nickname? Kendall (for obvious reasons), Nee Nee (my sister couldnt say Tiffany), and Tiff (which I LOATHE)
14. do you have any special abilities or disabilities? Well, I was diagnosed as Manic Depressive, but havent been on meds in 3 years
15.divorced? single? don't go there? In Limbo
16. what do you do for a living? Freelancer
17. if they named a ben and jerry's ice cream after you, what would it be called? what would it have in it? Hmmmm... KrazyKendall and it would be made with reeses and strawberry ice cream.
18. what is your least favorite food? Pizza :/
19. how tall are you? I *think* 5'3
20. do you drink or smoke? Socially drink, though drink ALOT more when SIL is around. Smoker for sure.
1. who are you? Kristen
2. where you named after anyone? Not that I know of, I think im the only Kristen in my family.
3. do you have kids? how many? Not yet, but i will someday. Hopefully at least 3 girls. I treat my first niece as if she's my firstborn child, she is spoiled rotten and I love her to death. :)
4. what is the first thing you notice about people? How they talk, if they slur words, have a lisp, etc.
5. what is your favorite food? anything that tastes good is good enough for me.
6. salty or sweet? sweet
7. do you speak any other languages? not well. I can speak a little bit of spanish but quite frankly, i suck.
8. do you have a special talent? I can play the piano and violin. And i am one bad ass mario kart for wii player ;)
9. do you have any pets? Yep. 2 dogs, a collie and a pit bull chow chow mix. 2 cats, im not a cat person so i dont usually "claim" them. And 17 ferrets. I had 19 of them, but 2 recently died so now im down to 17. I started off with one and just kept wanting more of them. I eventually started taking them in from people who could no longer care for them due to moving/housing issues.
10. do you have any phobias? not really. I hate bugs with a passion but i wont hesitate to stomp of those bastards like theres no tomorrow.
11. name one weird thing about you? I hate odd numbers. Most things must be even.
12. do you have a favorite song? Any song by Tupac is wonderful to me.
13. do you have a nickname? Swiss, Kizz, Minmin, Pince, Wince, Since, Vince, anything that rhymes with "ince" really. Lol
14. do you have any special abilities or disabilities? Disabilities yeah. Long story short, I was in the Army and ended up breaking both my feet, they refused to even acknowledge that anything was wrong with me even though my ankles were bigger than softballs. Due to their lack of treatment, i now have nerve damage and have pain in my feet/ankles/knees/hips/back/ just about everywhere that helps me move, and i feel like i should be 90 years old, when in reality i am only 26.
15. are you married? divorced? single? I havent been officially married, but technically, by common law marriage, I would be married. Allen and I have been together since we were 12yrs old, 14 years off and on, mostly on.
16. what do you do for a living? I am a registered surgical technologist, i assist surgeons during operations. I currently do not have a job, but that is because of the Army issue and how i cant stand on my feet for more than 5min at a time without them hurting too bad. But I would like to get back to doing it if i can find some kind of relief for the pain.
17. if they named a ben and jerry's ice cream after you, what would it be called? hmm idk, could be a number of things, flattering and the most unflattering im sure. Lol
18. what is your least favorite food? sushi, seafood, lobster, anything that comes out of water, better stay away from me!
19. how tall are you? 5' 5"
20. do you drink or smoke? smoke way too much, drink not enough. lol
1. who are you? Tracy
2. where you named after anyone? No
3. do you have kids? how many? Yes and 4 one who is autistic
4. what is the first thing you notice about people? Eyes.. if you can't look me in the eye then fuck u :)
5. what is your favorite food? Pizza, potatoes, n pasta!!
6. salty or sweet? Salty :)
7. do you speak any other languages? I speak english, smartass, hillbilly, an smartass hillbilly :)
8. do you have a special talent? (making things counts as well) IDK depends on who you ask :P
9. do you have any pets? 3 dogs, 2 cats and a hubby :P
10. do you have any phobias? PEOPLE!! SPECIALLY STUPID ONES!! AND SPIDERS!! :O
11. name one weird thing about you? (can be something you like to do, something you like to eat, etc...) i won't eat anything that crunches in my mouth besides tater chips.. n lots of other weird things :\
12. do you have a favorite song? I listen to about anything, but my fav all time song is Cocky by Kid Rock
13. do you have a nickname? doodle bug :\ go fuckin figure lol
14. do you have any special abilities or disabilities? can't say would go to prison !!!
15. are you married? divorced? single? don't go there? Married
16. what do you do for a living? I am a disabled stay at home mom now, use to work 80+ hrs a week tho.
17. if they named a ben and jerry's ice cream after you, what would it be called? what would it have in it? Hillbilly heaven, and it would have chocolate, strawberry, and moonshine in it!!
18. what is your least favorite food? vegatables!!! YUCK!!
19. how tall are you? Well I was 5'9" until I broke my back in a car wreck.. so now I am 5'51/2 :(
20. do you drink or smoke? I drink, sometimes way more than I should to combat the pain, don't smoke, never have I have asthma too bad.
1. who are you? Cathy
2. where you named after anyone? Not that I know of. :P
3. do you have kids? how many? No. Hell no. Just no. No. Getting the picture? No. :P
4. what is the first thing you notice about people? Emotion/expression on their face. Beyond that though, the way they speak/what they say.
5. what is your favorite food? Oh geez. Love food from all kinds of places. Chinese food, Japanese food, Mexican food, etc.
6. salty or sweet? Salty, not a huge sweet fan. And the 2 can never go together, ever, in my world. Except peanut butter on salted crackers... but I buy my peanut butter sans sugar so I don't know if that counts. :P
7. do you speak any other languages? French. Took mandarin for a couple years but I can't speak it fluently.
8. do you have a special talent? Not really. :P
9. do you have any pets? 2 puppies, my babies. :)
10. do you have any phobias? No. Oh wait, the dentist, until they started putting me to sleep to do anything. Now no. :P
11. name one weird thing about you? I make up weird songs for everything. Just ask the hubby. :P
12. do you have a favorite song? Not really, it'd be a house song though.
13. do you have a nickname? Cat, Cath
14. do you have any special abilities or disabilities? No.
15. are you married? divorced? single? don't go there? Married. :)
16. what do you do for a living? Work in the world of telecommunications.
17. if they named a ben and jerry's ice cream after you, what would it be called? I am SO not creative it's not even funny. But it'd be vegan and maybe mint/carob or something coconutty.
18. what is your least favorite food? Not a fan of mango, dunno why. Or maple.
19. how tall are you? 5'4"
20. do you drink or smoke? Quit smoking 6 months ago, drink veeery rarely.
1. who are you? Myrtle Evelyn Lane
2. where you named after anyone? Both of my grand-mothers.
3. do you have kids? how many? No little Myrtles runnin around!
4. what is the first thing you notice about people? hair
5. what is your favorite food? general tso's chicken
6. salty or sweet? suuhwweettt!!!
7. do you speak any other languages? i can barely speak english :P
8. do you have a special talent? special talent, no but im a pretty awesome painter.
9. do you have any pets? 1 chihuahua doggie, Peckerhead.
10. do you have any phobias? yup, the spider sort.
11. name one weird thing about you? My socks go on a certain food.
12. do you have a favorite song? thunderstruck by ac/ddc
13. do you have a nickname? Yup...Frisky.
14. do you have any special abilities or disabilities? nope :(
15. are you married? no divorced? no single? nodon't go there?
16. what do you do for a living? butcher
17. if they named a ben and jerry's ice cream after you, what would it be called? what would it have in it? Myrtie Poo. It would be vanilla and have chocolate peanut butter balls in it.
18. what is your least favorite food? cantalope or honeydew
19. how tall are you? 5'9"
20. do you drink or smoke? i smoke...menthol light 100's
1. who are you? Robyn :)
2. where you named after anyone? Nope.. I wish I was named after my Grandma Mable :)
3. do you have kids? Yes! Two 12&10
4. what is the first thing you notice about people? ummm usually their eyes
5. what is your favorite food? Homemade Pizza!
6. salty or sweet? Sweet!! omg a a pastry freak! Cake!!! :D
7. do you speak any other languages? Had 5 years of French.. I can now remember 10 words.. lol
8. do you have a special talent? Not that I can think of... I love the arts.. painting, pottery, jewellery making.. heck most of it.
9. Pets? Yup! 1 Dog Maggie, 2 Cats Gomer & Milo and 5 Hermit Crabs :)
10. do you have any phobias? ohhh where do I start.. Im a walking talking paranoid person... heights, roller coasters, inclosed spaces, people judging me...
11. name one weird thing about you? People biting and or chewing ice cubes, ice cream or popsicles make me want to jump out of my skin!!!
12. favorite song? Right now... Not In Love by Crystal Castles & Robert Smith
13. do you have a nickname? umm... I get called Ribbin alot.. lol
14. do you have any special abilities or disabilities? Special abilities... dont think so... Disabilities Yes.. I recently got diagnosed with Lupus and I am Dyslexic
15. are you married? divorced? single? Married for 12 years :)
16. what do you do for a living? Im a Medical Lab Assistant.. I poke people with Needles..
17. if they named a ben and jerry's ice cream after you, what would it be called? what would it have in it? Oh wow.. Lots of Coffee, ohhh and cake, if that is posible... so So maybe, Ribbin's Coffee Cake delight? I dont know... lol
18. what is your least favorite food? Seafood!! I have a rule.. if it comes out of water... it doesn't go in my mouth!!!!!
19. how tall are you? 5'7
20. do you drink or smoke? Umm... I havent had a drink in oh wow..5-6 years.... and smoking I gave that up 13 years ago... I do have the occasional apple bong ;)
1. who are you? Petra
2. where you named after anyone? Yes. My middle name is Danielle, after my grandfather. That was supposed to be my first name, but a few days before I was born, there was another girl born in our street and they named her Danielle, so my mom told my sis, who was 10 at the time, she could pick a new name for me. She came up with Petra. She said she just liked the name, but a few years ago she confessed to me it was because she wanted to impress this girl in her class named Petra....the mayors daughter....
3. do you have kids? No
4. what is the first thing you notice about people? Their vibe. I feel them before I see them.
5. what is your favorite food? Dark bread with old, old cheese
6. salty or sweet? Salty
7. do you speak any other language? English is my other language. I'm dutch, so i speak dutch, english, a bit of german, and a tiny bit of french. Correction, I understand, read and write english, I refuse to speak it most of the time. I hate the sound of english with a dutch accent.
8. do you have a special talent? I make things. From clothes to leather whips to bags to embroidery to barber chair upholstery..I call it keeping buzy, zoning out, numbing myself...others call it a talent.
9. do you have any pets? Two ex stray cats who've taken over the house.
10. do you have any phobias? Yeah. Life in general, people in particular, and heights.
11. name one weird thing about you. I leave the cookie jar open on purpose, I like it when they go soft.
Will continue later...
...12. do you have a favorite song? No, not really. I do have some favorite bands, top of the list are The Smiths and R.E.M...and Jacques Brel
13. do you have a nickname? No, but most people shorten my name to Peet
14. do you have any special abilities or disabilities? Err...nahh....
15. are you married? etc. etc. Yep....married.
16. what do you do for a living? I work at a taxi company for the disabled, old and generally insane in Amsterdam, answering the phone and booking the clients' trips. Means I have a helluvalot of weird conversations, and I do alot of screaming.
17. if they named a ben and jerry's ice cream after you, what would it be called? what would it have in it? Prolly something with cheeseballs and nuts...
18. what is your least favorite food? Brussels sprouts.
19. how tall are you? 1m63...do the converting yourself ;)
20. do you drink or smoke? I smoke. I drink occasionally, but when I do, I drink too much.
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